Saving jay, p.29
Saving Jay, page 29
part #3 of Breaking Free Series
“You’re going through a lot right now, Jay. I know you’re angry, and even though I don’t deserve to have it taken out on me, I understand. I know you didn’t mean it.”
I stood there like an idiot in disbelief as I watched Jade fill a glass with water.
She opened the bottle of pills. “Here take these,” she said as she handed me two of them.
I opened my hand, and she dropped them into my palm before handing me the glass of water. I watched her as she took out some eggs and started cracking them into a bowl. Peering over at me, she looked at my hand and then into my eyes.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m just…trying to figure out what I did to deserve you.”
Jade grinned and shook her head as she started beating the eggs. “What? You think a little back talk and an ex-lover are enough to scare me off?”
I tossed the pills into my mouth and swallowed them with some water before putting the glass down. Moving to stand behind Jade, I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her neck.
“I love you, you know that?”
She nodded before tilting her head back onto my shoulder. “I love you, too.”
Just the threat of losing Jade was enough to open my eyes and make me realize how lucky I was to have her in my life. She had stuck by me through so much already, and she was still here when I needed her the most. I owed it to her and to myself to find my way through this, and with Jade by my side, I knew I could.
I listened to the machines in my father’s room beeping as I sat next to him, trying to say good-bye. Now that I knew the truth, everything felt different. He wasn’t the same man I’d thought I knew all these years. He was a stranger.
“I don’t know what to say,” I muttered as I looked at his face.
His eyes were closed, but I could feel him there with me.
“Mom told me I’m not really your son.” I paused, sighing, as tears stung my nose.
Glancing down at his hand, I struggled to continue.
“I still love you,” I said, my voice cracking, as a tear fell down my cheek. “Everything else has changed, but that hasn’t. Maybe this would all be easier if it had.”
Standing up, I took a deep breath and wiped away my tears. I had to stop crying. I had to find the strength to move on.
Looking at him one last time, I said, “Thank you for everything you’ve done for me and everything you taught me. Thank you for being the best father you knew how to be.”
Jade
Two Weeks Later
I stood in the bathroom, facing the mirror, as I watched Jay behind me. He was straightening his black tie, his face freshly shaved. His father had passed away three days ago, and we were getting ready for the funeral. Jay hadn’t been speaking much, but I knew he had a lot going on in his head. I missed seeing his smile and hearing him laugh, but I had to be patient. He would work it all out in his own time. All I could do was be there for him as he did.
“I love you,” I whispered.
The reflection of his eyes met mine.
“I love you, too.”
His jaw clenched before he dropped his head and straightened his belt.
“Hey,” I said, turning around to face him.
I smoothed my hands over his chest, and he peered up at me through his thick lashes.
“Talk to me.”
Jay shook his head and closed his eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”
“Do you remember when I asked you what your back piece meant?”
Jay lifted his head, his blue eyes searching mine.
“You said you wanted it to remind you that you always had a choice…between the light and the dark.”
Jay looked away, and I put my hand on his chin, urging him to look at me. I could see the pain in his eyes when he did.
“I want you to choose the light, Jay. It’s the dark moments that make the good ones shine. Jason Clarke might not be your biological father, but you’re still his son. Look at all he’s given you. Do you think he would have done any of it if he didn’t love you? Do you think he would have kept that secret all those years? He didn’t want you to know. He didn’t want anyone to know you weren’t his.”
Jay closed his eyes, and I could see the pain in his features as he took a calming breath and opened them.
“I know you’re right. It just doesn’t make saying good-bye any easier.”
I stared at the large church through Jay’s tinted windows as his driver pulled up to the front doors. The parking lot and streets were lined with cars. It looked like the entire city had come to pay their respects to Mr. Clarke. Glancing over at Jay, I gave him a small smile, and he lifted my hand, kissing my knuckles. His driver got out and opened our door. The voices outside quieted as everyone waited.
“Are you ready?” I asked, squeezing his hand in mine.
He nodded, and I scooted closer to the door before stepping out. Jay didn’t let go of my hand as he got out behind me. He stood up straight, looking like the handsome strong man I remembered.
As we made our way toward the door, the people standing outside began approaching him, telling him how sorry they were for his loss. Jay thanked them and shook hands with a few as we continued to make our way inside.
When we walked in, I saw the large black casket sitting in the front of the room, and I was instantly brought back to my mother’s funeral. She hadn’t wanted us to wear black or to spend the day crying.
I heard her voice in my mind and felt my heart lighten as I pictured her smiling down on me.
“Don’t mourn my death. Celebrate my life.”
Jay and I walked down the aisle toward the front of the room, and when I looked at the people sitting in the pews, I was met with Asia’s brown eyes, and she lifted her hand, giving me a small wave. Marcus was sitting next to her along with John, Hailey, Natalie, and Shaun. I realized all the guys from the shop were there, too. I squeezed Jay’s hand, and he turned to look at me before following my gaze and seeing them, too. Just knowing they’d come to show their support for Jay warmed my heart.
Turning back to the front of the room, I noticed the priest had moved to stand behind his podium. Jay and I went to the front row where his mother stood and hugged both of us. Jay took the seat beside her, and I sat next to him. We waited as the last few people took their seats, and the room grew quiet.
The priest cleared his throat. “It is an honor and a privilege to be here this morning with all of you. I would like to thank the Clarke family for allowing me to be here as we all have come to pay our respects to Jason Andrew Clarke Senior. I knew Jason for many years, and honestly, I think he would have been surprised by the amount of people who have shown up today. I can hear him now, grumbling something like, ‘Don’t they have work to do?’”
Everyone in the church laughed, and I glanced up at Jay to see him smiling. I watched as he reached over and took his mother’s hand in his.
The priest continued, “Thank you all for coming. I know this isn’t an easy thing to do. It’s never easy to say good-bye, but we are all here to pay our respects, and in our own way, express our love for Jason and his family. He leaves behind his lovely wife, Nora, and his only son, Jason Clarke Junior.” The priest looked at Jay and his mom and nodded his head in respect.
“Death is unavoidable, and as much as it pains us to lose someone we love, it is important we take this opportunity to celebrate Jason’s life and express our thanks for the time we had with him. I’d like to take a moment to read the Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi. Let us pray.”
Everyone bowed their heads, and I closed my eyes.
He began the prayer, “Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.”
A warm tear slide down my cheek as I lifted my head and opened my eyes. I peered over at Jay and noticed his eyes were glossed over with tears, too.
“Now, I’d like to invite Jason Clarke Junior to the podium to say a few words. Jason,” the priest said, tilting his chin in Jay’s direction.
I felt myself growing anxious as Jay’s hand slipped from mine, and he began to stand. I didn’t know he’d planned on speaking at his father’s funeral. My heart raced in my chest as I watched him walk up to the priest and shake his hand. He moved to stand in front of the microphone, and he took a second to look at all the faces watching him. His eyes met mine, and I gave him what I hoped was an assuring smile.
“I’d like to thank all of you for coming and showing your support for me and my family during this difficult time.” He paused and glanced at his father’s casket before continuing, “My father wasn’t always the easiest man to love. He wasn’t a man of many words, but when he did speak, everyone listened.”
There were a few chuckles in the audience, and Jay’s mouth lifted into a small smile.
“Growing up, I often found myself struggling to follow in my father’s footsteps. His shoes aren’t easy ones to fill, but it was during that struggle that I found my own strength. It was in his shadow that I found my own light and created my own path.”
I glanced over at Jay’s mom just as she began sobbing into her handkerchief. Scooting toward her, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and hugged her. I watched as Jay’s eyes filled with tears, and he looked down at the podium, regaining his composure before lifting his head again.
“To love someone is to see past the person’s flaws, to forgive the mistakes, and sometimes, to know when to say good-bye.”
Jay
The day after my father’s funeral, his lawyer came to my mother’s house to go over his will with us. He’d sold his shares of Clarke Industries and given me half of everything he owned, the other half going to my mother. I was now forty-two million dollars richer and owned about a third of Virginia Beach’s downtown district, including the building Jade and I lived in.
After signing all the paperwork, his lawyer gave each of us a sealed envelope with our names on them.
“What’s this?” my mom asked as she looked down at her name written on the front.
“Jason came to my office and asked me to type these up for him since he wasn’t able to write them himself. He asked me to deliver them after he was gone.”
I flipped the envelope over in my hand, my curiosity growing, as I ran my fingers over my name. His lawyer stood up, and my mother and I followed him to the front door where we both shook his hand and thanked him. After he left, I turned around and gave my mom a hug. She seemed to be doing better now that the funeral was over. Soon, we’d need to figure out what she was going to do next. I knew she didn’t want to sell her house, but she also didn’t want to live in it alone. It was far too big for one person.
“You okay?” I asked as I pulled away and looked at her.
She gave me a small smile and nodded. “Yes, I’m all right.”
“You sure?”
She nodded again and held up the envelope in her hand. “I wonder what this is about.”
“You want me to stick around while you read it?”
“No, you should get home. I’m sure Jade is waiting for you.”
I pulled her in for another hug before leaning down and kissing her cheek. “Jade wants you over for dinner tomorrow night. Will you come?”
“Of course.”
“Okay. I’ll call you and let you know when. You sure you’re okay?”
My mom started laughing and pushed me toward the door. “I’m fine. Go.”
I smiled. “Okay, I’m going.” It felt good to see her laughing again.
“Oh, and Jason?”
I paused with the door open and peered at her over my shoulder.
“I love you,” she said with a warm smile.
“I love you, too.”
The entire drive home, that envelope felt like it was burning a hole in my pocket. Part of me was dying to read it, but I was also apprehensive. Knowing my father, it was probably investment advice or instructions on how to run his properties properly.
Pulling my car into my usual spot, I left the engine running to keep the air-conditioning on, and I pulled the envelope out of my jacket pocket. I opened it, and seeing a sheet of paper covered in my father’s words had me feeling emotional all over again.
Dear Jason,
If you are receiving this letter, it means that I am gone. I hope that before I passed, you were able to find some sort of peace. It also means that your mother has told you the truth about your biological father, Nicholas. Please do not be upset with her. I was the one who insisted we keep it a secret—not only for pride’s sake, but also because I couldn’t stand the thought of you feeling like you were anything other than my son.
The day you were born, I remember thanking God for blessing me with such a beautiful boy. You looked just like your mother. You still do. You didn’t want much to do with me at first, but as the years went on, you began to take an interest in me, and soon, we were inseparable. You would play for hours in my office as I worked, and you never seemed to mind that I didn’t have much time for you.
I know it might be hard for you to believe, but everything I did was for you and your mother. I wanted to give both of you a beautiful life full of opportunities, but somewhere along the way, I lost sight of what mattered most, and for that, I’m sorry.
As you grew older and started making your own path in this life, I found myself resenting you for it. You reminded me of Nicholas. You’re charming, and you have a way of relating to people from all walks of life. That was something I couldn’t teach you. I was afraid that I had nothing left to offer you besides my money, and because of that, I lost my chance to show you I loved you.
You came to me today and told me you forgave me. You apologized for not being the son I wanted, and it hurt to hear you say those words because you’ve become a far better man than I ever was.
I’m writing you now to thank you for finding it in your heart to forgive me and to tell you that I love you. I always have, and I always will. I don’t care what genes you carry. You are my son, and I am proud of the man you have become.
Jason Clarke Senior
Everything changed for me after I’d read that letter. I finally began to feel myself releasing all the pain and resentment I’d carried for so long, and I was beginning to find peace. I realized I had to let go of all the things I’d wished I had and appreciate everything I’d been given.
If it weren’t for Jade, I never would have gotten there. She helped carry the weight of my heart until it was light enough for me to hold on my own. It was her love that saved me.
Jade
One Month Later
I hummed as I felt Jay pulling me in closer. He was spooning me in bed, his morning wood pressed against my ass. I kept my eyes closed and smiled when I felt his hand slide down my side and between my legs. We were conveniently still naked from our sexcapades the night before.
“Happy b—”
“Shh…” Jay whispered, interrupting me, as he slid a finger inside.
I sucked in a breath and moaned as his palm pressed against my clit, his finger curling inside me and finding my G-spot. I could feel his breaths coming faster against my neck as his other arm tightened around me. I squeezed my eyes shut and bit my bottom lip as he started making circles against my clit with his thumb.
Jay knew my body better than anyone. He knew how to make me crazy, how to bring my body to the brink of ecstasy, and how to make me come harder than I ever had before. We were in tune with each other, physically and emotionally, and it had brought our connection to a whole new level, one I knew I’d never find with anyone else.
I started panting, my hips circling against Jay’s hand, as my body took over.
I loved losing myself in these moments. I loved losing myself in him.
Just as my body tightened and I began to feel the sparks of an orgasm igniting throughout my body, Jay moved his hand and replaced it with his cock. Thick and hard, it was exactly what my body was craving. Jay pressed his hips closer until he was buried deep, the delicious pleasure and pain pushing me over the edge. His mouth was on the back of my neck, kissing and nipping, as I came all over him, my body shaking in his arms.
He held on to my hip as he started moving faster. I turned my head to look at him, and his blue eyes found mine. His gaze was impassioned and intense as he stared at me, his hips thrusting harder and deeper.
We didn’t speak. There was no need for words. The connection we shared transcended all of it.
Jay’s fingers dug into my skin, and he leaned forward, taking my mouth with his. He kissed me hard as my ass smacked against him. I could feel him swelling inside me, and my body was already reacting again.
Breaking our kiss, Jay and I watched each other as we both rode the wave of rapture together.
Jay
“I wish you didn’t have to go. You shouldn’t have to work on your birthday.” Jade pouted as she rolled onto her stomach and bent her knees, her cute tattooed feet swinging back and forth above her.
“It’ll just be for a couple of days, and it’ll be worth it if I end up hiring this guy. That’ll mean more free time for me,” I said as I tightened my blue tie around my neck.
I’d told Jade that I had to fly to Miami again to hire a new manager for my restaurant. It was a lie. This was the first time I’d ever lied to her, but I had a feeling she’d forgive me for it.
“Can’t you do it another time though? I’m gonna miss you, and you shouldn’t be alone on your birthday.”
